


Matter of Trust

by masterofsome



Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: Broken Engagement, Divorce, Drunken Confessions, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Memories, Secret Crush, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-06-30 13:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19853923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterofsome/pseuds/masterofsome
Summary: A divorce and a broken engagement bring two long time friends closer together. But it's only a matter of time before years of pent up affections and secrets begin to overflow.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> For the sake of this series, pretend Bill got a divorce in 2016.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of the series, Bill divorced his wife in 2016.

Bill sat in his bedroom in his barely furnished apartment, mindlessly flipping through the channels. He tried to find something, anything that could take his mind away from the suffocation of his new apartment. He eventually settled for his beloved forensics channel in hopes it would put him to sleep as always did. 

It didn’t.

He was awake and like the forensics channel, he settled on the idea that it was going to be another sleepless night.

Settling. That’s all he had been doing the past few days. Not that there was much else he really could do. Sure, he could unpack the boxes that scattered around the apartment and get it furnished and ready for when his kids would come over next weekend. But unpacking only solidified what he hated to admit. 

He and his wife tried to stay together, God knows they did. They'd tried everything - counseling, taking time for each other, going on dates. It just came to a point where no matter how hard they tried, nothing changed and they still went back to fighting. 

The one thing they could agree on was that both persons involved wanted a divorce.

Despite it being an amicable decision, it ate him constantly. He felt awful for the kids and he never ever wants to relive the day he and his now soon-to-be-ex wife told their kids about it. They cried, breaking his heart. But he promised everything would be ok and he knew he would do everything in his power to make it feel ok for them. It would be a rough adjustment, but within time everything would fall into place. 

Strangely enough, no matter how many times he told them that he could never convince himself the same thing. Granted, it had only been a week since he'd told them and then moved out.

He eyed his laptop in beside his bed. He had yet to get any work done and perhaps maybe, he needed to slowly get out of this dark hole he'd let himself live in. He grabbed his laptop up from the floor, setting it on his lap. He figured he'd start with looking over emails. Sure enough, when he opened the app, hundreds of unopened mailed flashed before him. The vast majority of them came from his manager, keeping him in the loop. Some from his writing partner Alec Berg about script stuff and casting and some HBO about the show he and Alec were doing for them. Luckily, they'd been aware of situation and had assured him to take the time he needed. He also went through some emails from his friends, sending him funny links in hopes to cheer him up. 

Then there was one email that caught his eye.

**Lorelei Garber**

Hi

His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He had told a lot of people about his divorce, his family, Seth, John, Fred, Jason, Andy, Teighan...but hadn't said a damn thing to Lorelei. He'd broken down to her sister, Odette, on the phone Thursday night about it, yet he couldn't bring himself to tell her. 

He and Lorelei been close friends since his first show on SNL, having met at the afterparty. He'd confided in her about his frequent anxiety attacks during his time and she was always there when he needed someone. They talked about everything and anything. Admittedly, after he left and moved back to California, they'd lost touch. Frequent texts and emails turned to hearing from one another once every other week. 

They'd met up whenever he was in New York. He'd been invited to her engagement party, but couldn't attend. She understood, of course, because she couldn't get mad at him. 

He hesitated for a second, not ready to feel as guilty as he believed he was going to feel. But then he opened it and felt a million times more guilty than he'd expected. 

_Bill,_

_I stumbled across some old photos and figured you could use a smile. K_ _now that I'm thinking of you and I'm here for you, if and when you want to talk._

_Love always,_

_Lorelei_

He rubbed his face with his hands, drawing out a long sigh. Even when their entire friend circle knew before her, she still wasn't mad and made an effort to reach out. The worst part was when he opened the folder, he found hundreds of pictures and videos filled with happy memories. Happy reminders that made him smile for the first time in a long time. Many were from SNL after parties, others from random events and hangouts. He clicked on one of the videos, a moment from one of the season finale after parties. She, him, Seth, Odette, Andy, and Teighan, another friend in their circle, were on the tables, screaming and dancing. 

_"Please tell me, please tell me whyyyyyyyy, my car is in the front yard and I'm sleeping with clothes oonnnnnnnn!"_

He shook his head, remembering how drunk they were. 

As he scrolled down, he found a plethora of SNL 40 memories. First photo he click on was a group photo of him, Lorelei, Seth, Andy, John, Jason, Odette, Fred, Teighan, and Colin all huddling together backstage. There were more of them at the after party when he found one that made him stop. 

It was a candid photo of him and Lorelei dancing. Their eyes were on each other, pure joy radiating in their smiles. He remembered it was when Dan Aykroyd and Jim Belushi did a rendition of "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love" and everyone was on the dance floor. He wondered who took it. 

The Apple ringtone broke the silence. He glanced down at the bed to find "Odette" on the caller ID. 

"Hey, what's up?" he answered. 

"Hey, I'm so, so sorry to bother you..."

"You're fine." Then it hit him. He looked at the clock. "Isn't it, like, three a.m. in New York?"

"It is but...um...it's about Lorelei." 

Bill swallowed hard, his stomach twist into knots. "Is she alright?" 

"Patrick broke off the engagement."

His blood froze, heart sank to the pit of his stomach. "Wait, what?" 

She sighed. "He got another girl pregnant." 

"He WHAT?!" His blood went from frozen to boiled. 

"I'm at her apartment. She won't come out of the bathroom and I-." She paused. 

"What?"

"Oh fuck."

"What? Was it?"

"I heard glass break."

That was enough for him. "Give her the phone. Tell I wanna talk to her." 

He heard her foot pattering on the floor followed by a distant knock. Her voice was sweet and gentle. "Lori, Bill wants to talk to you." His heart beat anxiously as he mentally prayed for her to pick up the phone.

There was no response so Odette tried again. "Lori?" 

_Lorelei, come on. Please answer._

"Oh my god, Lorelei!" 

Bill shot up in bed. "What's going on? Odette, what's going?" 

"Bill, I gotta go. I'll call you later." 

"Wait-." 

She hung up. Bill tried calling again and again, only to be greeted her voicemail each time.

"Fuck," he mumbled. 

He hopped out of bed and began pacing the room. His heartbeat was quick and no matter how many deep breaths he took, he ended up panting. His hands clenched onto his hair as a million thoughts ran amok in his head. Did she hurt herself? Was she going to be ok? 

The bedroom felt smaller, the walls closing in. Despite being able to move perfectly fine, he felt his body shut down, growing weaker each step he took. Tension pressed down on his head as he cursed to himself. He tried calling and texting Odette and Lorelai, only to receive their voicemail.

Minutes passed and eventually he gave up. He sat on the edge, the rush of panic still unable to subside inside of him. The stinging in his eyes turned to tears, as he sobbed quietly into his hands. He couldn't lose his marriage and his best friend within the same week. He'd never be same. He needed to know she'd be ok. He'd never forgive himself if anything happened to her. 

He jumped at the sound his phone ring. The called ID showed it was Teighan.

"What the fuck is going on?" he asked. "What happened?"

"Odette said Lorelei was having trouble breathing and so she called an ambulance. The paramedics think it was a severe panic attack. They're on their way to the hospital as we speak." 

"Are you at the hospital?" 

"I'm actually in Canada right now. Odette called and told me what happened and then said to call you. She said she'll update you as soon as they get to the hospital." 

Bill sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Do their folks know yet?" 

"I don't know. I'm sure Odette's gonna tell them though." She sighed. "Listen, it's gonna be ok. Just go to bed and keep your phone on." 

His eyes shifted to his a laptop, an idea coming to mind. "I will." 

"Don't forget to take care of yourself too, ok?" 

"I won't. Talk to you later." 

He grabbed his laptop and went on to Google flights. His eyes scanned the for the next flight out to JFK airport when he found a 3:07 a.m. take off. Without anymore thought, he booked it and began packing. 

On his way out the door and into the Uber, he shot his soon-to-be-ex-wife a text, letting her know he would be out of town for a few days. He wasn't sure when exactly he would come back to Los Angeles, but it wouldn't be until Lorelai was ok. 

He couldn't fix his broken heart but he'd be damned if he couldn't fix hers. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter does contain mentions of a panic/anxiety attack which could be triggering.

Lorelei was discharged from the hospital just after 7 a.m. Between the blinding early morning sun and the woozy side effects from the medicine, she was desperate to get back home. Odette took her sister's hand, leading her into the taxi. As the driver pulled away from the hospital, Lorelei put her head on her sister's shoulder.

She was embarrassed. Embarrassed by how her engagement ended and by her panic attack. The doctor and nurses had been kind to her, bless their hearts. One of the nurses even offered to cut Patrick's nuts off, giving Lorelei a much needed chuckle. But it still wasn't enough to bring her out of her shame and misery. 

Shame clung onto her tightly. How could she have been so naive? How could she not have seen it coming? Was she too wrapped up in planning their - or she now supposed **her** \- fairytale wedding to notice something? Was it her fault he went to someone else? 

One thought had taunted her for the past few hours - how could a 5 year relationship filled with "I love you's" and promises of forever end with another woman pregnant? Had everything he ever said or done been a lie, and if so, had long had he kept it up? Was it just this woman or were there more?

"Mom and Dad are meeting us at your place," Odette said, breaking her sister's thoughts.. "Teighan said she gets in tonight and will stay the night as long as you want her to." 

Lorelei let out a low groan. She was grateful for her parents and Teighan more than they could ever know, but that last thing she needed was to talk about it. The doctor's may have been able to give her medicine to help ease the panic attack, but there was no medicine that could fix the fact her fiancé had knocked up someone else. 

"Tell her don't worry about it," she mumbled. "I'll call her tomorrow." 

"Speaking of calling, I want your phone when we get inside," Odette said. 

"Odette-." 

"It's not up for discussion." 

She sighed, too low on energy to bother arguing. "Fine. Just don't reach out to him." 

Odette snorted. "Wouldn't dream of it." 

The second they stepped foot in Lorelei's apartment, their parents rose from the couch. Their faces softened, widening their arms out. Lorelei wrapped her arms around her mother first, then her dad. 

"Go get some rest," he whispered, giving her a pat on the back. 

As she went to her bedroom, she stopped for a moment. "Don't...tell anyone yet," she pleaded softly. 

"We won't," her mother assured with a small smile. 

Lorelei then crawled into bed, wrapping the covers close to her body. She heard the door close behind her and saw Odette sit at the edge of the bed. 

"Want me to stay with you?" she asked. 

Lorelei shook her head. "Thanks for everything." She paused. I'm sorry." 

"Sorry for what?" 

"For scaring you, making you stay up and go to the hospital." 

"Lorelei, look at me." Her eyes returned to her younger sister. "I'm your sister. I do this because I love you. You saved my ass when I hit rock bottom and I'll save yours. It's what we've always done, and what will always do. Don't you ever apologize for this or for that fucking asshole, you understand me?" 

She nodded, her eyes shut tight as she quietly began to sob. Odette then crawled under the covers and wrapped her sister in her arms. 

"I don't understand," Lorelei whimpered in between sobs.

"You don't have to, Lori. Not right now, at least." 

And so Lorelei shut her eyes and after a few more tears drifted into slumber. 

* * *

When she opened her eyes, she felt a heavy weight beside her. She opened her eyes expecting to find Odette or her parents, but instead found Teighan sitting at the edge of the bed. Her face bare, dark circles under her eyes. 

"I caught an early flight," she said. "Move over." 

Lorelei watched as her best friend crawled under the covers. Suddenly it felt like they were back in their college dorms but instead of crying over a broken engagement, they were venting about work and mental health and stupid boys they hooked up with. Then Teighan pulled out her phone and placed it on the nightstand. The beginning drumbeat of U2's "With or Without You" filling the once silent void.

Lorelei sighed. "Really?" 

Teighan cocked her head back. "Absolutely. It's our cure for everything song, remember?" 

"I thought we grew out of it." 

"You don't grow out of a great song."

"Well that's comforting to know." 

Teighan pulled back her lips. "I'd ask you how you're holding up but I already know the answer."

Lorelei swallowed hard, her stomach in knots. "My mind's just going back to all those moments, big and small, and trying to find clues it missed, but nothing is coming up. He hid it so fucking well up until last night and that's what's fucking me up." She paused, her eyes facing her best friend. "Can I ask you to be brutally honest with me?"

"Anytime," Teighan answered with a nod.

"During the wedding planning, did I really make it all about me?"

Teighan hitched her breath, as if to respond, before letting her mouth hang open, voiceless. That said it all.

Lorelei groaned and shoved her face into the pillow. "Oh fuck me."

"But that's not unusual for any bride, Lorelei," Teighan reasoned. "I mean it's so easy for any bride-to-be to make it all about them and not the person they're marrying. That doesn't mean that or you were the reason he did what did, nor does it justify what he did. Patrick's dumb-ass decision deserves no justification other than he's fucking idiot." She paused. "Makes you wonder if he's actually a good sports doctor."

"Teighan."

"Look, I know he works for New York but LeBron and I were buddies during 'Trainwreck'-."

"Teighan."

"Just one call and I could-."

Lorelei put her hand over her best friend's mouth. "It's not worth it and it'll only make everything worse." 

Teighan sighed. "Can't say I didn't try." She tapped her fingers on the mattress. "So you're going to hate me..."

"What'd you do?"

"Annamarie called asking why the fitting was cancelled."

"You didn't."

"All who know are her, John, Seth, Alexi and they said they'd come over later to bring dinner. But I told them to wait until you were ready." 

A sigh of relief escaped Lorelei's lips. She wasn't ready for the showers of pity. "Fine."

"Well, Sebastian knows, but that's because I was freaking out about on the phone with him but he's not going to say anything."

"That's ok."

Lorelei rubbed her eyes. "How can I tell everyone the wedding's cancelled without getting into it?"

"Mass email usually works."

"They'll still ask."

"Just say it's none of their business." Teighan bopped her best friend's nose with her finger. "But don't worry about that just yet. Just focus on taking care of you and your grieving process."

Lorelei scoffed. "He's not dead."

"He's dead to me and to your family and friends."

She swallowed hard, her chest sinking. "As much as I appreciate you, Odette, and everyone being so supportive...I just...you know who I wish I could talk to about this?"

Teighan gave her friend a small smile. "I know. But Bill's got his own thing to deal with, Lori."

"Yeah, I know." Her eyes fluttered. "I just...you know."

She wondered if he knew. If perhaps Seth or John or Odette had said anything to him. Even if they did, she was sure he wouldn't say anything to her. He wouldn't even tell her about his own divorce. It bothered her that he would talk to them more than he would with her. She knew why, but saying it aloud made her sick to her stomach.

Teighan nodded her head. "You want to grab some food?"

Lorelei shook her head. "I'm not hungry nor do I have the energy to get up. I'm gonna go back to bed if that's ok."

"Go for it. Want me to stay in here or go out in the living room?"

"Can you stay in here until I fall asleep?"

"You know it."

So Lorelei rested her eyes and found herself back asleep.

* * *

_"Hey, I'm back."_

_Lorelei's smile fell the second she saw Patrick sitting at their small dining table, coat over him, suitcase beside him. Her heart stopped, blood froze cold. "The fuck is going on?"_

_Patrick's eyes met hers, his normally warm green eyes blotchy and teary. "I...uhm...we have to talk."_

_"Yeah no shit." Her voice was sharp, cutting the brief moment of silence like a knife._

_He sniffled, rubbing his mouth. "I don't know how to tell you this but...I...there's someone else."_

_The world stopped. Blood draining out of her, her body stood still and empty. His words knocked everything out of her. Her mouth hung open, words and sound failing to come out._

_"She's pregnant and it's mine," he continued. Even in his vulnerable and emotional state, his words came out carelessly. "And I can't stay because it's not fair to you."_

_He grabbed his suitcase and got up from the chair. "I'll come back later to get the rest of my stuff."_

_She stood there as he walked past her. Her mind screamed to say something until her voice finally courage. "So that's it?"_

_She turned to him, the blood rushing back in her now boiling. "I give you five years of everything I have only for you to not only screw someone else, but wait for me to come home, tell me to my face, and then walk out without thinking I don't want to talk about it?"_

_"Don't do this," he pleaded softly._

_"Do what? Not make it easy for you to just walk out?" her voice was rising. "What a bitch I would be to make this any harder for you than you're pretending it is for you."_

_Patrick set down his suitcase. "Tell me, if I wasn't going to leave and I told you that, would your or would you not make me stay?"_

_Then it dawned on her. He didn't have to say it directly, his defensive tone said it all. "You love her, don't you?"_

_His jaw tightened. "I'll get my shit later."_

_"TELL ME YOU LOVE HER!"_

_"I LOVE HER, ALRIGHT?!" he screamed, veins sticking out. "You happy now?" Hew threw down his suitcase. "At least with her I feel like an actual human being and not some fucking accessory to you're so-called perfect life. You're so wrapped up in your fucking fairytale life - rich, famous parents and famous friends - you know what's funny? You treat your famous friends like a fucking accessory too. You act like your connections make you entitled when all you are is a spoiled brat who's too busy riding on everyone else's coat tails to be a genuine person!"_

_He grabbed his suitcase again. "It's only a matter of time before everyone realizes it and they walk out too. Until then, have a great life, Lorelei."_

_He slammed the door, shaking the apartment. Lorelei stood there, his words cutting every inch of her and drawing out her breath. Suddenly her chest emptied and she couldn't breathe. She kept gasping for air, but failed. Tears strolled down her cheeks and every part of her body began shutting down._

Lorelei let out a gasp as she woke up to a pitch black room. Her heart raced as she tried to feel around the bed for Teighan, only to find an empty spot. She frantically searched the body for anyone there only to fall off. She then felt a pressure on her chest and her throat tightened. She struggled to find her breath, hand on her chest trying to find a heart beat. 

A beam of light entered the room as the door swung open. A figure rushed in and turned on the light, revealing Bill. He got on the ground helping Lorelei up. 

"Bill?!" she exclaimed. 

"What's going on?" Teighan asked, standing by the door, her face ashen. "Do I need to call ambulance?"

"Wait a second," Bill instructed her. He turned back to Lorelei. "Listen to me carefully. Just breathe in, wait in five...four...three...two...one. Now exhale. Again, five...four...three...two...one. Now exhale."

She followed him carefully, her heart rate beginning to slow down. He walked it through her one more time as he checked her pulse. "Ok, feeling better?"

She nodded her head before throwing her arms around him, sobbing into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back.

"It's gonna be ok," he whispered. "I promise."


End file.
